you are of course aware that there can be no reward, that the idea of reward is a throwback to the judeo-christian tradition, from which tradition you are striving hard to break away. and you know that you must break with the whole elaborate system of reward or punishment and you realize that you must purge the whole sin-complex from your consciousness, that the racial consciousness must also be so purged, if any progress toward a multiversal level is to be made. you have an inkling of how painful it will be to root out any vestiges of guilt that still remain, you must get right into the guilt to root it out and that is a painful thing, but worth it in the long run.